Am I Such a Bad Christian, Thinking God Doesn't Care?

When we are all kids growing up in Sunday School they teach us that God is involved in every aspect of our lives. He knows the very number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7) and the number of grains of sand on a beach, so surely He must care about my Prom Date, or the color of pants I'm going to wear, etc., etc. I don't know what it is but, this is one of those things that bugs me, and I've been chewing on lately. I think that God sweats the big stuff (life, death, whether I'm going to Hell or not), but I believe He probably leave the day to day minutia and errata to me. To me, there is a difference between knowing and caring. I can know that the distance between the Earth and the Moon. Do I care that there is a malfunctioning Chinese robot drone up there? Not especially. It doesn't affect me directly. Likewise, I think that my struggles and issues don't especially affect God directly. We are told to pray about it... But who is getting moved? Am I just coming to terms with the cruddy things in my life? Or, are things actually changing? I find that some of the most difficult things in my life I have prayed over for years haven't moved one iota. In fact, several of them have moved backwards. So, I'm betting many of you are going to be like Job's friends and accuse me of doing something bad or not having enough faith. I'd challenge you to read that story again there Eliphaz. This evidence, when presented to my logical brain, tells me that God has a check in the Jeff box. He's not to worried about me, and if I want things this way or that, I need to be the force of action to make those things happen. It doesn't make me any less grateful for what He has done. It simply tells me He doesn't sweat the small stuff.

A Chinese Church Leader's Perspective on Western Christianity and the church in China

HOW CHINESE CHRISTIANS EVALUATE WESTERN CHRISTIANITY
For security purposes the source of this article confidential

Interviewer (I) : Let's move on to another important question. How do the Chinese Christian's evaluate western Christianity?

Chinese House Leader (CHCL): We feel the church in the West is playing games. We are troubled by the frivolity in many of their meetings. Our people are broken and weeping in our assemblies, western Christians are telling jokes. This brings very different results. We feel the Church in the west is bound by traditions and programs and therefore cannot follow the Holy Spirit's leadings. We have to make sure we have that direct line to the Holy Spirit and seek to hear His voice. Christians in the West have been able to eliminate Christ and His direct presence in their midst. I have a feeling sometimes that the whole Christianity in the West could be going for years before they discover that Jesus has not been with them for a long time. He has gone somewhere else. He is not with them anymore.
(I): What does the Chinese church believe about the Holy Ghost? It seems very evident that you are a powerful people. How does this work out in your theology of the Spirit?
(CHCL): We believe it is God's command to every believer to be baptized by the Holy Ghost. We also believe that we must have continual infilling as our life goes on in the Lord Jesus. This is the primary reason for all the amazing things that we share in our meetings.
(I): What does the Chinese church believe about holy living? This is an area of much confusion in the west. The professing church is filled with worldliness.
(CHCL): We are conservative Christians. We order our lives according to the word of God. Many do not have Bibles, but those who do study much to see what God says about living a Christian life. Our women are modest, in spirit and in their clothing. This matter of holy living is a real problem for us when we try to relate to Christians from the West.
(I): Some of the testimonies about healing are amazing. They cause me to sit in astonishment as I hear them. Could you elaborate on the subject of healing a bit more? What is your theology of healing?
(CHCL): First, let me answer the theology part of the question. We have a very simple theology about healing. We believe that God is a healer. It is simply one of the many manifestations of His holy character. In the west you believe that God can heal. In China, we believe He does ALL the time. It is according to your faith and ours. You receive what you believe. The people are poor and cannot afford to go to the doctor. Because of this, they have to trust in God in ways that western Christians do not.
Healings happen all the time, but people also have sickness that they have to deal with. Poverty and persecution brings extra hardships upon them, and thus they get sick more often. Sometimes God heals, and sometimes He does not. God is sovereign.
(I): Could you also comment on some of the other miracles that we hear about? It is hard for us to relate to so many supernatural happenings. How does this affect the church in China?
(CHCL): We believe in a miracle working God. At first, in the beginning of the revival, everyone was astonished as well. As God began to work many miracles, the church just began to expect miracles. It is not a distraction for us as it is in the West. Miracles happen at a meeting, and the preacher just goes right on preaching the Gospel. There is an expectation that God will confirm His word with miracles. Eighty percent of the church has experienced miracles of some sort or another. Because of this, they expect them. They never glorify the miracles; they glorify God. The gift of miracles is in the Bible, and God works through this gift to honour His name.
(I): Have you ever heard of someone being raised from the dead?
(CHCL): Oh yes, it happens quite often. Many times when someone is killed, or dies from persecution, the leaders will go where the body is to pray and find out if God would have the person live again.
(I): I have often said in my preaching, "When persecution comes, true unity will come with it, because there will be no mixture with the world." In light of this, what do you believe about unity? We have all this ecumenical confusion here in the west.
(CHCL): Again, our theology is very simple. Our unity is based on the essentials of the faith and true marks of discipleship. We say, "Disciples witness, and are persecuted because they witness." This is where the lines of unity are drawn. There are differences among us, but we do not allow these to divide us in the war for souls. We believe there is more that unifies us than there is that separates us.
(I): Could you comment on the name "house churches." What is the significance of this name?
(CHCL): The name signifies several different things. First, the name is given because we meet in houses. There are several reasons for this, and I will comment on them in a moment. The second reason has to do with a distinction between us and the registered churches, which meet in buildings. The last reason is the most important one, we call ourselves house churches out of conviction. We meet in homes because we believe it is more biblical. It is also true that we have to because of persecution, but the primary reason is evangelical in nature. Even if the government of China allowed us liberty to meet openly, we would still meet in houses. Meeting in homes is one of the greatest keys to the tremendous growth of the church. The more meeting places, the more they can win the lost to Christ. In addition, when we meet in houses, it does not cost us any money. Finances often slow church growth.
(I): Could you tell me what the church services are like when you meet together and feel free? I know there are times when you have to be quiet, but what is it like when you are free?
(CHCL): Chinese Christians are a lively, responsive congregation when we gather in freedom. We sing some hymns and some choruses, and the singing is wholehearted. During the preaching and open testimonies, there are lots of amens and hallelujahs. We meet in forests and caves to do this. so we will not be heard.
(I): Revival has been continuing for decades. Can you give me some reasons why it does not grow cold or stop?
(CHCL): There are two reasons. First, the church is busy fulfilling God's purposes for it on the earth. That purpose is evangelism. As God's people do His work, He continues to pour out His Spirit upon them. This is a secret to ongoing revival. The Chinese church has a powerful vision of the Great Commission. We believe it is the Church's responsibility to preach the Gospel to our generation. The second reason flows out of the first. Because of our persistence in preaching the Gospel, we are persecuted repeatedly. This persecution brings purifying, and that brings more anointing. These two work together to create an atmosphere of revival. As church leaders we are always careful to give the Holy Spirit His place in directing the work. We allow God's Spirit free course to move how and where He will. We see the American church as one that is too organized.
(I): Could you comment on the eschatology of the house churches? What is their end time theology?
(CHCL): Our theology is very simple. We believe that Jesus Christ is coming again. He is coming for His bride who has made herself ready. As far as the details of how all this will happen, we have some differences. These differences however do not divide us. The strongest point of our theology has to do with evangelism. We believe the gospel must be preached among all nations, and then shall the end come. We get this from Matt. 24:14. Because of this belief, we have strong convictions about evangelism. We believe that if you are not actively busy preaching to others, you are hindering the second coming of Christ, and you need to repent.
(I): The church is growing at a very fast rate, and yet it is underground. Therefore, it would be hard to give much formal training to the leaders. From a western perspective, many would believe you cannot lead a church until you have had much formal training. Obviously, this training is not happening in China, yet the church is thriving. How can this be? Can you explain some of the preparations the leaders receive?
(CHCL): Most of the top leaders are very poor. The strongest point of their character is love. They pour out their lives for the persecuted sheep in China both in labours and by subjecting themselves to the dangers of imprisonment. One wrong move and they sit in a prison cell for five or ten years. This is love as many in the west have never known. We do train our leaders. The training, however, is very simple. We train them in three major areas. Let me state them briefly..
..We teach them how to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and walk with Him daily. Then from that walk, they must learn how to witness for Christ in a dangerous hostile environment
..We teach them how to die daily. This is very important because of the persecutions leaders face
.. We teach them how to escape the police when they are caught, and how to escape from prison if God says "Run." The word of God is very important to these leaders. They havememorized and internalized many chapters of the Bible. They cannot carry a Bible around in their hands, so they make sure that they can carry one in their heart. The fire of the Holy Ghost is also very important in ministry. These men are constantly being empowered by the Spirit. This is leadership in China, and this is how the church spreads so rapidly.

Editors note: When Communism closed the doors to China in 1949, there were one million believers in China. Now, fifty years later, there are eighty million disciples of Jesus Christ. Christ is building His Church in China, and the gates of hell are not prevailing against her.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that we all desire. We all wrong other people, and they, in turn wrong us. We tell our kids to “forgive and forget”, but is that really Biblical? I can find many places where we are called to forgive, but I can’t find anywhere in scripture where we are to forget. We are actually commanded to forgive one another in verses like Matthew 6:14 - “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”, and Ephesians 4:32 – “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ultimately, forgiveness is a decision of our will. Since God commands me to do it, I have to do it, even if I don’t especially feel like doing it at the time. Those that have offended us may not ever seek reconciliation, and may not ever change. Still, that command is there. It’s disheartening, I know. I really, really, do. I know some folks are going to pull up a few verses, and tell me that God forgives our sins as far as the East is from the West, and that our sins are like cast into the deepest part of the sea, which is the Mariana Trench, off the coast of Guam, by the way. It’s 6.85 miles deep below the sea level at the deepest part. The government has actually considered dumping nuclear waste there, since it’s a subduction zone, and it will be destroyed in the process and get turned into lava, which would be a cool analogue, but that’s banned by UN Treaty.

OK, so you’re telling me that the omnipotent God of the universe hits the delete key whenever I sin and get forgiveness? Or is it more like a SQL query – DELETE FROM “Jeff’s Life” WHERE Action=”sin” in DB “humanity”? That is hard for me as an educated person to swallow. I think God doesn’t magically delete it. It is impossible to truly forget sins that have been committed against us. We cannot selectively delete events from our memory. I wish that I could, people have struggled with this for ages. John F. Kennedy once said “Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.” I think that God created us in His image, and if He didn’t build in a “delete” key for all the hurts that need forgiving, then He likely doesn’t have one either. God gave me a brain with memories, and I don’t have a built-in delimiter to separate the good events from the horrible ones. So, do I think that God remembers our sins? Yes. Think of the theological consequences if He didn’t… What would be in the Book that is brought out at the throne of judgment in Revelation if our sins got deleted? Does God have an angel that doesn’t forget? If He really forgets, is that why He writes it down like a grocery list in the Book? Is that really forgetting if it’s written down? Those are the questions that spring from my mind at first pass at that notion.

As human beings, we tend to minimize our own errors and maximize others. We like to rally others to our cause, and turn others against the person who has wronged us. We want to keep the offender roasting a while in the fires of our anger and indignation. As Christians, we are instructed and I’ll even venture to say programmed to never refuse forgiveness, but we sure don’t mind making the offender uncomfortable first. Is that right? Is that biblical? No. Is it human, most certainly. One of the most helpful things I ever heard in this regard is to tell “the story” from the other person’s perspective. Actually imagine that you are the other person and use the word “I” when saying what that person would say. You, most likely don’t know all the events involved and don’t know exactly what they were thinking at the time, but it is important for you to try.

So, here we are again – what’s the point, Jeff? We are commanded to forgive. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It means being vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future. I think it isn’t possible for us to forget. That’s what tortures us. It’s one of the “crosses we bear” as we trudge through this life. I’m going to keep on trudging.

A ball or chicken? You decide.

A think lot of people that I know treat ministry like a ball. I don't think they consciously do this, but this data I have gathered from years of observation. Most of the time, people get a calling from God, and they go off in an attempt to satisfy the calling by taking their shiny new ball, and finding a few other people to bounce it with. They find safe, people that they know, and bounce it and roll it around with them at first. This is normal and natural. Then, a little later, they get better and more sophisticated with the games that they can play. Maybe now they're playing dodge ball, instead of sit around in a circle and roll it back and forth. That's pretty good. Later on though, maybe someone else on the playground, maybe someone that they don't know very well wants to play. Well, we don't know that guy, and mayble he'll steal the ball - so let's not let him play. Makes the other guy feel bad, and the guy with the ball look selfish. Maybe a little later, someone wants to play kickball. Now, the ball owner is unsure, because not only does he not really know all the rules for kickball, he doesn't know if kickball might damage his ball in some way. At best, he takes his ball back over to a small corner of the playground and bounces and rolls it with his friends, when the most poeple would have gotten joy and happiness out of playing kickball. At worst, he takes his ball and goes home - depriving everybody of the fun.

I have begun to think that ministry is more like a huge pizza or a bucket of chicken. It's meant to be shared and distributed. If we're using a ball analogy - everybody needs a ball. Then everybody can share and play with the ball as they see fit. One of the things that I have had rattling around in my head the past few weeks is a quote from John Wimber, the founder of the Vineyard Movement on ministry. And while I may or may not agree on everything John did in his life, I think he was powerfully used by God. The quote is simply this - "everybody plays". Ministry is not an exclusive club. Jesus, in His ministry here on earth chose even Judas Iscariot - whom He foreknew (there's a word I seldom use) would betray Him. He chose fishermen, a tax collector, a terrorist (see Zealot), and even a murderous Pharisee (see Saul of Tarsus). I have heard all the arguments on only letting certain people in your "inner circle", and the wolves among the sheep, and we all agree that stuff like that happens, but as Solomon says - "There is nothing new under the sun. Paul in his ministry apparently had a lot of problems with a guy named Alexander, who did a lot of harm to his ball. But, apparently Paul did share it with him.

So, my question is - do we really believe in the concept of "the priesthood of the believer"? Or have we, over the past two thousand years built walls between the "clergy" and the "laity" that were never designed to be there in the first place? How does a guy in the pew break through the glass ceiling that exists in so many churches to move from being a spectator to having a ball? Well, you could spend a whole lot of time in school, surrounded mainly by people who know a lot about balls and different ball games, but many times, have never taken their ball into the playground. Or, you can go renegade, and take your ball to the new vacant lot down the street. Having done both, I don't really know which I prefer - but I guess I would lean towards the latter. More "doing the stuff" and less standing around talking about the stuff.

So, what is the point today, Jeff? I don't know. These are just a few items that have been rolling around (no pun intended) in my head. If you do have a ball, I'd encourage you to be more open minded about who you let play with it, or maybe get a few more balls and distribute them freely. Maybe you'll be surprised at what happens.

What to do... What to do...

Ever get a direction or a word from God that you weren't thrilled about? I am right in the middle of that right now. Last week - I was seeking hard. Today - this morning, I feel like I got an answer, but it wasn't the one I wanted. It wasn't Charlton Heston walking down the street with two stone tablets a la "The Ten Commandments", but it was that still small voice, a mere suggestion from my head. I'm not gonna post what that was because I need some confirmation. If you get that confirmation, feel free to post.

Some of you folks that read this are thinking - Hughes is a nut job - He's hearing voices... This post isn't for you. I still love you, will still drink a beer with you, but this one's not for you. Anyway, it's 9 p.m. Sunday night, and that is where I am at.

J

Trusting God again...

If you are one of those people who enjoys roller coaster rides and skydiving, then this post is not for you. Looking back over the last few years I see mountaintops and valleys. I usually rode roller coasters when I was a kid only after being pressured into it by my friends. They made me sick, and weren't a lot of fun - Likewise with living in the middle of a roller coaster ride. I’m not going to get into all the ugly specifics, but those who know me know exactly what I am talking about.

In life, we have relationships with people, and sometimes, trust in those relationships gets strained. Sometimes, it is broken, other times, it feels like trust is obliterated. I have counseled people over the years that people are flawed, and that we have to forgive and move on, and eventually, we’ll trust again.
But what if you realize that the person that you don’t trust is God? I came face to face with this reality the other night. The main problem in my spiritual life right now is that I simply don’t trust God. I was in denial of this for a while… I realized – I love God, I just don’t trust Him. There is a difference. I look back at a point where I did put all my trust in God. That ended very badly. I was reminded of another story in the Bible where ministry ended badly –

Then Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire in it, put incense on it, and offered profane fire before the Lord, which He had not commanded them. 2 So fire went out from the Lord and devoured them, and they died before the Lord. 3 And Moses said to Aaron, "This is what the Lord spoke, saying: 'By those who come near Me I must be regarded as holy; And before all the people I must be glorified.' " So Aaron held his peace. (Lev. 10:1-4)

People have told me – “You just need to get over it.” I wish I could. It would be much easier for me if I could. I wish I could throw a light switch, or click my heels together, and have it all be good. I see that Aaron just “got over it”. I guess I’m not anywhere near that kind of guy. In the past few years, I’ve given a lot of forgiveness and received some from all the bad times. The further I go down this trail the more questions I have – Did I miss His calling before? Did I mess up? Did I pull a Nadab or an Abihu, and just lucky that I wasn’t struck down dead? Am I now just a permanently disabled member of the body of Christ? If so, somebody please sign me up for my pension.

The writer of Hebrews (and I don’t want to get into who I think that is) says - It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. I am terrified. I see two sides to God in the Bible - Loving, accepting, welcoming, and good. The other is angry, wrathful, and just. In my life, I have seen both sides. As I survey the situation though, I am kind of stuck. While a good number of hurts have healed or at least scabbed over, I am not going anywhere until I get this back on course. So, for at least the time being – I gotta wait. What am I waiting for? For everything to be cool, and me trust God again. How do you get there, Jeff? I have no clue, and I haven’t got a whole lot of advice on how to do it. Just a lot of people telling me I need to do it. So, please refrain from jumping on the “dude, that sucks, bandwagon…” It has approached it’s load limit for me.